The lost art of flirting.
Flirting is a natural feeling and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with doing it from time to time. Especially if you are in a relationship, flirting is mandatory. Unfortunately, we now live in a society where everything that floats around the energy of love is forbidden. Showing emotions in any kind of way can lead to you being called a “softy”. My question is… What is wrong with being soft? What is wrong with being in tune with your emotions and desires ? It’s like everybody is just so comfortable with being hurt or hurting , that just the tiniest light that shows up in that darkness we shut it down instead of freeing our mind and soul to the brighter side. And the brighter side is Love.
Why “flirting” is the main issue?
Flirting is the ultimate starter in my opinion. This is literally how you are going to show your interest to someone by involving communication and body language. This is also the best way to keep the spark in a relationship. Now it became pretty boring to flirt. Nobody wants to properly stimulate the other person mentally or physically and not even in a lustful way but more in a yearning way: “ To feel sweet on someone.” Creating a special environment and feeling, being heard and seen. As humans, we crave that type of attention, it is basic human need. Even if it is as short as a 15 minutes, if it is properly done.
I personally like to flirt, but with the right ones of course and most of the time it’s really just for the moment. I’m not much of a talker or let’s just say I dislike small talk, it makes me feel obstructive. And I do feel like small talk is unnecessary and forced. I won’t give all of my little secrets but… I’m the type to spark a conversation and trust me i’m really good at it. I am a yapper at heart and this is more on a one on one thing. I love to be intimate with the person i’m speaking with. I want that person to feel like we are the only one in this world and make their mind travel to beautiful things and joy. That’s how you make someone yearning for more. My main goal is to bring a sense of comfortability and fun but with boundaries. At the end of the day you need to remember that flirting is playful. Keep it cute and fun not disrespectful and lustful.
Knowing how to flirt is an art. Whatever that floats in the same frequency of love done properly is a pleasant experience. Like Martin Luther King famously stated “Love is the greatest force of the universe.” King saw love not only as a personal emotion but by a driving force bringing positive change. Fun fact about flirting : It increases dopamine and other levels of hormones leading to a positive mood and can potentially reduce stress.
Flirt vs Lust
Flirting is high-spirited and it express attraction or interest. Meanwhile lust is a strong desire for physical intimacy or sexual gratification. Flirting can be seen as precursor to lust but it doesn’t necessarily leads to it and lust can exist without the need of flirting.
What I love with flirting is that it is jolly, you show interest in someone either it is verbal or not you don’t even have to get something out of it you genuinely just have to have fun getting to know someone in a level or deeper surface. The teasing and lighthearted jokes brings some type of joy to your inner child. It can be just for the moment just like it can drag through getting the love of your life or even maintaining a healthy relationship.
There’s this animation I saw on Instagram reels lately that proves my point on the fact that flirting brings some type of joy to your inner child. It was a video from a movie By Meryl Streep named Everybody Rides The Carousel from 1976. There’s a part of the movie where it shows the couple on a boat talking and joking and you can see how their characters changes into different stages of their life; a baby, a teenager, a toddler or a mother which shows that flirting is what makes the spark stay alive because it brings out different healthy perspective of each other.
Intimacy, love and friendship. Flirting can also be about you doing the little things to make the person feel heard and seen. Give the right attention and patience to communicate and be comfortable enough to express themselves. Just like demonstrated in the animation at the end it shows the woman asking to get touched and in the three phases of flirting, touch is the last one.
When it comes to lust… I don’t want to say that I hate it because hate is a strong word. It’s just the experience of being lusted over is not so amazing. Because that person will only yearn you and see you for sexual reasons… Energy wise it’s not a good thing. Yes sex is natural and needed for everybody but it becomes a negative things when you only persuing someone for sexual desires. Lusting over someone is more so characterize by a sense of physical arousal and sexual fantasies. Nothing more. And seeing someone lusting over you is quite obvious in their actions.
This picture demonstrate perfectly the lust vs flirting. The woman in a trans wanting and craving more but the men just thinking in a lustful way.
Take your time with it.
NEVER rush it and do NOT force it. Taking your time allows you to be more genuine and to enjoy the experience. The most important thing when flirting you have to make sure that the other person is comfortable and the connection have to be natural. Avoid quick judgment, try to get a full picture of the other person, try to not make premature judgement based on few interactions. Learn more about the other person personality and discover shared interest, good and deep conversation have to be mutual. If the conversation is one sided it won’t work and you won’t be able to dive into a deep conversation and properly stimulate that person.